New Decade, New Blog.

I'm testing the waters here. I'm getting a tumblr.

elisee.tumblr.com

There are no posts as of late, but that will soon change....
Goodbye, Blogger.

I'm not dead

With the holiday season dwindling and finals over I feel somewhat empty. I still feel alone, betrayed and confused about what's transpired many moons ago and I'm kicking myself for letting it get this way, though I'm not all to blame. I'm told to put more faith and trust in people, yet the person whom I felt closest to, whom I was so close to revealing my biggest secret, can't even look me in the face. In the end, life screws us all. The only thing I'm happy about is I didn't give away what I've been holding on to for so long to a person who I can't talk to much anymore. And if that person is reading this, I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry about what happened to you, but I'm also sorry about what happened to us. But I don't know what to say to you anymore.

---------------edit, DEC 22, 9:33 PM
Thank you.

Blast from the past.

Today I begin a series where I unearth yonder blog posts from my youth. Here is one from July 29th, 2006:

For lack of a better introduction, I'll cut to the chase.
Saturday held massive rains in the weather forecast. So, for some odd reason, I spent the day shopping. First at Kohl's for capris/pants, then Penny's for more pants and shoes. At least, that's what we planned. I happen to be very finicky when it comes to purchasing shoes. So, my penultimate quest to find 1 pair of good shoes sent me to the following stores - 2 of which I mentioned, Famous, Payless, Carson's, Sears, Sole Outdoors, Baker's, and Payless again (the last three in the mall). I still have yet to go to DSW. And, as if the stores decided to band to together to mock me, I ended up buying the same shoes as my sister, only in black. I even saw those shoes at a previous store. "WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?!", I wanted to ask (or rather, yell) at those shoes, but of course, shoes can't talk.
But, by rants aren't over. In the midst of the rains, and while we were shopping, the sirens went off. A tornado warning was in effect. The freakishly calm lady over the intercom informed us to go to the luggage department. What a perfect time for my mother's claustrophobia to kick in. We had to stand at least 10 feet away from the crowd with some guy who kept asking if my mother was ok, and still trying to avoid the invasive stares.
By this time, we had to refuel. We chose to eat at Sabarro's. But then, when I thought the commotion was over, everyone started leaving all at once. But as expected, I was the only one out of my mother and my sister to notice. So, after I enlightened my mom about this, she asked the waiter what was going on. Another tornado warning. And, after my mom asked why he didn't say anything to us when everyone left, he laughed and said, "We thought you were just going to keep eating!"
So, we left the restaurant, and almost the entire first floor was evacuated already. We literally ran to Penny's again to go to the luggage dept., or that what I thought. The same dude who was constantly over my mother before told us to go there, but my headstrong mother had enough of that. She just passed him, and I was forced to follow. Then we passed another lady directing "traffic" who also told us to go to the same dept. My mother passed her too, without a word. Sister dear had to apologize. We went up the inoperative "down" escalator to the empty first floor, and proceeded to the exit door. But they were locked. Of course that didn't stop my mother. Like a bull in a china shop, she unlocked the door (I still don't know how), and we bust a move.
No sirens were going off now, and people actually tried to come in JC penny's. After a trip to the cleaners (the guy opened the store for us), we finally came home.

*sigh*

I'm trying to reach a new level of Zen but I can't because I can't concentrate on meditation. My silence is disturbing, like that whack job says. I swear, that guy is a piece of work. One minute you really want to laugh along with his stupid jokes and concentrate in his class, but the next he's yelling because he heard a pin drop and he thought people were talking.

He needs some therapy. And a niiiiice shot of Demerol, juuust to calm his morning bipolar mania.

I hate it when people take their anger out on others. It's like torturing a little animal just so you can feel better about your pent up anger. He's a hypocrite in that he knows everything there is to know about religion and other spiritualist crap but can't stop to perhaps practice what he preaches. Again, *shocker*.

Anyway, back to Zen. For a while I've discovered when you detach yourself from earthly objects, people and situations you gain a new perspective on what you are going through. Once you treat everything the same then you don't worry as much, or at least, that's how I feel. You have a sense of empowerment in that you can control your emotions, and uncloud your judgement. Think rationally, explain rationally, and be rational. That is the only way everything has worked. Once you lose control, everything falls in a domino effect. Keep your guard up and you will go far. No need to talk softly and carry a big stick, either.

On a side note, if McCain wins the election, dies in office and leaves Palin to control the country, Armageddon will ensue.

Extended Metaphor

My brain is a raindrop on dead leaf.
It provides no nourishment, and it's useless.
Dripping down its shaft in September,
my brain is now unwinding
guided by gravity as it heads to its inevitable absorption
where it will remain in grounds of the school classroom
trying to grow a tree.
And when its leaves wilt in early summer
without sufficient water,
my brain will go through evaporation
and rain down in June
on another dead leaf.